I'm sick. It's my body's second warning. The first one came with my kidney illness. And now is my stomach. I didn't go to College. I feel sick.

I did not sleep well. I can go trough a day without sleeping well.

I am already thinking about my weekend. I think I'm leaving the city. Oh, I hope so. I don't want to be here. I want to GO...

I'm feeling awful. And I'm sleepy too.

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I've had a short life. Only two decades. However, in my short time on Earth, I've had to say goodbye to my beloved ones lots of times.

To my father, to my aunt Nena, to my grandmother, to my friends, to D, to R, to F, to so many people. And I felt like they were dying -well, some of them really were, the others I created a fantasy-. I created the fantasy that they were death, because I wouldn't stand thinking the live in the same planet, perhaps in the same city, and they were away from me continuing with their lives, just as I continued mine.

So I wore black, and cry for them, and had a whole ritual for their deaths in my life. It was my goodbye. I felt sad for them, I mourned on their memories. And then I moved on.

Maybe I cheat on myself. Because they are not death. The live, and when I had to socialize with one of the people I had killed in my life, it felt like talking to a spirit, or like a dream, and the death one visited me in my dreams.

But it works. And, even though I really wish I never break up with anyone and reach the level of my mental funeral, if I had to do it again, I'd do it.

I never forgot, but the funerals I organize help me to remember the nice things, and to avoid the awful ones.