What I don't understand

What I don't understand about people is the desire of love. Perhaps my pain is talking, but I really don't.

What I understand little is them wanting me to find the one, to marry and have children. I don't want to. I was born to do something else. I tried love, and it hurt so badly I will never be able to love again.

Love a guy, I mean. Love someone like J loves Billy, or Aldo loves Diana, or Aurora loves Roberto. I won't.

I used to think love would come at the right time, in the right place. I used to think it didn't matter if I was fat. I used to look at the mirror and observe deeply into my eyes and say: "Yes, there's hope". But I don't think so anymore.

I don't care about the others. I'm really beautiful, it doesn't matter I'm fat. I'm a really great person. It doesn't matter I'm fat... at least it doesn't matter to me. But the others, is another story.

So it doesn't matter if I'm bright, and nice, and all my good things... because I'm fat. I don't want any guy, at least not those who look at physical beauty standards and then go deeply. I don't want that.

So, I don't want anybody, because they are all the same.

I look at myself at the mirror and I like me. I love my big black eyes full of melancholy and wishes. I love my lips, I even like my cheaks. Perhaps I don't look at me the way the others do, but I don't care, I can always live by my great imagination.

------------------------------

Today is the first anniversary of the worst day of my life.