I am not

an expert concerning love. I have told this a lot of times. I repeat it. I've had two loves, some affairs. Not much.

But they are part of my secrets. I don't talk about them (the affairs) when I'm living them. Don't know why. It's some kind of ritual. I talk about them when time erases them.

I talk about them to people I really trust. But, ironically, I talk about the guys I love to a lot of people. I think love shouldn't hide. Affairs are much more intimate but less important. Affairs haven't let me anything. Except a little life experience. Love has given me everything, and then has taken everything from me. Except the suffering that becomes satisfaction afterwards. I wouldn't change anything if I lived again. Not even for the pain it caused.

Right now, I like someone. But this someone is not for me. And I am not for him. I am feeling butterflies flying inside my tommy (Giggle). I get anxious whenever he approaches to talk to me. Whenever he smiles at me...

But I don't want to. I love love, but I have no confidence in men anymore. So, I don't want to feel butterflies, because the next step is making castles of air. I don't want the illusion, nor the feeling-in-love symptoms. I want love. But a mature love. I haven't met the guy who gives it. Maybe I can't give it either.